


The Light On The Shore

by Juliana_Homicide



Category: Supernatural
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Angst, Canon Divergence, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of Castiel/Dean Winchester - Freeform, Past minor character death, chocolate chip cookies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 14:25:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2510951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juliana_Homicide/pseuds/Juliana_Homicide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel can't save Sam this time. </p><p>Songfic of The Light On The Shore by Karine Polwart</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Light On The Shore

**Author's Note:**

> i really suggest listening to the song. for aleatoryw on tumblr.

~~~~~

_Old as I am, older than_

_The threads of understanding, which we weave between us_

It has been years since Sam Winchester last killed a demon. It’s been decades since he last hunted for one. The last injury he sustained from anything supernatural was over 25 years ago. There is no obvious reason why he should be in the emergency room unable to breathe. But here he is.

When he’s released from care hours later, with a prescription and no diagnosis except “Well, old age does different things to everyone. Guess it got your lungs,” Gabe helps him to the car. It must look ridiculous, a giant and his tiny keeper, but while the energy that radiates from the smaller of the two far outmatches the tired power of the taller. As they walk, Gabriel thinks of all the things he could have done to cause this. The angel has made sure that no monsters ever find them, that Sam never falls. He’s made it so that his vessel appears to age alongside his hunter, although he feels none of the aches and pains he uses his grace to relieve Sam of. He has been so, so careful with Sam Winchester, because he’s known that their time would be limited, that human lifespans were nothing compared to that of an archangel, but still. He hadn’t expected their tiny span to be cut off so _abruptly_. Now, instead of hopes of infinite possibility, there is only anticipation of the inevitable.

For all his experience with loss, Gabriel isn’t ready for this one.

_Old as you are, older by far_

_Than the contours of the love that we leave behind us_

~~~~~

_Bold as I am, bolder than_

_The pioneers who swept their way across the desert_

“You know you can’t help with this, right?” Sam asks one night, as Gabriel makes a batch of chocolate chip cookies. “You have to let it happen.”

Gabriel slides cookies from the baking sheet to a cooling rack. “Why not?”

Sam waits until Gabe turns around to speak again. “I...I never thought I would get to have this. I never thought I’d have a ‘normal’ death, I always thought I’d die fighting. Gabe, I _want_ this. This is my last chance to do something on my own terms. Please...please promise you won’t take that away from me.”

_But then_ you _will get taken away from_ me, Gabriel thinks, but instead of saying that out loud he walks over to Sam and pushes a cookie into his mouth, soft and sweet like a kiss, and the unspoken oath echoes in the quiet room.

_Bold as you are, bolder by far_

_Than the lovers who have swum the tide to be together_

~~~~~

_Are we old enough and bold enough to say goodbye?_

_Old enough and bold enough that we do not need to cry?_

One night, while Sam is sleeping, deep under thanks to a mixture of illness and medication, Castiel visits Gabriel. Hannah is in charge, just for right now, he says, and Dean is excited to his brother again. Just meaningless things. Small talk.

Cas holds Gabriel as he cries.

_Well I’m not so old and not so bold I don’t need you more_

_Now the light is slowly beckoning you to the shore_

~~~~~

_Cold is the ground for which you’re bound_

_It’s a place where we can never more be together_

The hard reality of it is that this isn’t the end. Gabriel can visit Sam in Heaven, can even stay there most of the time. But in Heaven, Gabriel knows, nothing feels quite the same. There is an _illusion_ of human warmth, of contact, of the taste of melting chocolate and the fingertips that push it warm and sweet into your mouth. To be fair, it is an excellent imitation, and the difference between Earth and afterlife is indiscernible to almost everyone. Angels can tell, of course, and Cas has told Gabriel that Dean can as well, along with a few other hunters he’s talked to.

So really, Gabe isn’t afraid of losing Sam to Death. No, he’s afraid that Sam will sense the trick in Heaven and withdraw into himself, suspicious even after death of being manipulated. He’s afraid to lose Sam to an imperfect Paradise. 

_Cold is the air that takes you there_

_On a passage that will end with your end forever_

~~~~~

_But it’s not so cold I do not feel the warmth of your skin_

_Not so cold I do not know the fires that burn within you_

There is an old afghan on the couch, faded but still heavy enough to be warm. Sam will fall asleep under it more often than not, reading or watching videos taken with a camera Gabriel had snapped into existence one day and hadn't put down until Sam had traded him a kiss for it.

Sam is asleep now, solid and steady underneath the blanket despite the frailty that racks his body. In these moments Gabriel can fool himself into thinking that they’ve just come back from a hunt and Sam is still young and healthy, that they’ve got days and months and years left, instead of minutes and hours and weeks. But then Sam will cough or his breath will rattle in his lungs, and Gabriel is painfully reminded that he can do nothing to help despite his power. So instead he climbs onto the couch and makes himself as small as he can, shutting his eyes and holding his hunter tight. He doesn’t need sleep, but right now he craves it, craves its sweet oblivion from what he can’t prevent, and curls tighter into Sam’s warmth and scent, as if he can stop them fading away just by wishing.

_Though they are fading now I wish that they would blaze once more_

_And keep you from the light that’s slowly beckoning you to the shore_

~~~~~

_If I could sail the seas of time then I would keep you from harm_

_But I am no sailor and I cannot warn you_

Sam is shaking on the couch, struggling to breathe. Gabriel knows that he promised, he said he wouldn’t try to help, but his husband’s heart is beating slower and slower, one and rest and three and rest and rest and rest and three and rest and Gabriel can’t watch this. He squeezes Sam’s hand tighter, pressing a trickle of grace into his veins and his bones, and the former hunter’s breathing eases. He looks almost peaceful for a moment, like he’s not _dying_ , but then he pushes Gabriel's hand away and he just looks tired.

“Gabe,” he rasps, trying his best to focus on the archangel. “Stop. You promised...you promised not to.”

“I know, kiddo,” Gabe whispers, “I’m sorry, I just,” and then something catches in his throat and he lets out a quiet sob. “Please, Sam, I can’t do this without you.”

Sam sighs softly, just a gentle _whoosh_ of air, and reaches up to cup his husband’s face. “I love you,” he murmurs, and Gabriel leans into the touch as tears start to fall. “Love you too, Sam,” he says, and there’s a hint of a smile on the Sam's face before his hand falls limply to his side and his eyes dim.

Gabriel looks up and sees the reaper standing behind the couch and then there’s a flicker, a sliver of light moving towards it and that’s Sam’s soul, he knows it. Suddenly, shakingly, he realizes that this is happening, that Sam’s body is no longer Sam, and he screams, a sound so primordial and aching it ricochets through every dimension he’s ever existed in. The reaper is blasted back to it’s master, and Gabriel gathers up Sam’s soul, not caring about the rules as his wings unfurl, stretching wide and beating once, twice, propelling them both up and up and up.

_Though there’s nothing in my life I ever wanted more_

_Than to keep you from the light that’s slowly beckoning you_

~~~~~

_Than to shield you from the light that’s slowly beckoning you to the shore_

Sam Winchester is carried to Paradise in a swirl of gold.


End file.
